Crossroads

祖永師 asked me over again today as he wanted to pass me some books. While there, he also prepared tea and oranges... wow... and we chatted in the afternoon all the way till dinner time, and he even asked me to stay for dinner. Its really nice hanging out with them, a place where I can be "normal" in my own terms, which means, being vegetarian and talking about the sutras and buddhism and not having to feel awkward or that I'm boring somebody. I guess to most people, that wouldn't be considered as normal. But oh well... its a part of me... a part of the multi-personality, multi-identity me...

Once again, I feel like I have reach another crossroad in my life, the same crossroad that I've been coming to. Seems like I have been going in circles... the same question hovers over my head... what should I do with my life? What kind of future do I want?

Tough... Part of me wants to run away again, the other part of me wants to stay and experience what life is like in Singapore. But so far, I have experienced nothing new of the life in Singapore. The same drone plays in the background.

I walk on like a spectre haunting the same old place again. I am now swimming in the ocean and there is no island in sight. I need some direction, a lighthouse to guide me to shore. The compass spins continuously... when will it stop?

At night, I chatted with 覺聞師. He said he wishes to go to 萬佛城 in the future. And I told him then when he goes, he must tell me and I will go with him! Any reason... any reason at all to go back.. and I shall take it. So we made yet another agreement... which should happen in about 5 years time... after he finishes his basic monk's training, and after I finish whatever I'm trying to finish... lolz